I’m a 30 something singleton and I don’t tend to meet many new people in my normal day to day life. Online dating is no longer the taboo it once was, and in fact more and more people are turning to sites and apps to find a partner. Whether you are looking for the next Mr or Mrs Right, or just something casual there is a site or app for you. I’ll be honest, I’ve tried a few. Some, like Tinder, are very superficial, and are about judging people based on their looks at a first glance (swipe right if you like the look of them, or left if not). Some however like eHarmony are more about finding a life partner and whilst you do have a picture on your profile, matches are made mainly on personality type questionnaires first. Yes you need to have some physical chemistry or connection, but if you have nothing in common, or are looking for completely different things, what’s the point after all?
I’m always very clear on my profile about what I am looking for, and yet I receive crazy, offensive and sleazy messages all the time. To be honest, I can almost deal with those more than I can the poorly written ones by people who are either too lazy to spell check or are just looking for a passport (perhaps I have been watching too much 90 Day Fiance but still)!
Whilst we may have loads of potential matches at our fingertips, just a swipe or tap away, in some ways technology has made it harder to find that potential match as well. Would someone decent’s message be seen amongst all the trash? Are we spending too much time looking down at our devices when we are out and about and not taking in the surroundings and people around us. My grandparents met on a bus in London. I can’t even imagine the horror of making contact with someone on public transport there now. You even smile or make eye contact with someone and they will want you locked up! Things aren’t that bad since I’ve moved to Wiltshire, I’ve even spoken to people on trains, but not to the same degree. It’s been once or twice, and no-one that I would have wanted to potentially date. I wholly admit I spend too much time glued to devices, whether it’s on my phone playing a game or on a computer blogging, but we are becoming more and more reliant on our devices and so less aware of the world around us.
I’ve also tried speed dating, which can be a laugh, but I actually find it harder. Whilst it saves you from exchanging messages from people and then getting your hopes up when it doesn’t go anywhere or you meet and it’s not all its cracked up to be, it’s instant rejection. They’ve met you and they don’t like you. I’ve been a couple of times, but the people I thought I connected with didn’t feel the same, and those I didn’t particularly want to connect with again did want to. Whilst I wouldn’t rule out going again, I think I’ll stick with apps and sites for now, but I definitely think meeting up with people reasonably quickly is important, as the longer you leave it, the more you build it up in your mind and the scarier it can be, but it can also be a bigger disappointment. After all, you can spend ages composing a great email or message, but in person, perhaps it just doesn’t work like that!